I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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