dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
