So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
