I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
should my penis look like a turkey
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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