I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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