Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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