theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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