he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
