..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
