He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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