Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Randomize
