My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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