Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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