I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
