dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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