She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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