i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
