A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
