Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize