I'm really into asian looking animals
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
