i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
