there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize