oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
