the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
