no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
