TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
