Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
