like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
