I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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