Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
