do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
