would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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