I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
