I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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