During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
