I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
