My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
