Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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