he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
