You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
