He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
