were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
