made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize