covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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