i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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