paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
