That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
