Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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