my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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