I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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