i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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