I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
