Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
