i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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