How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
