around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
