she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
