dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
