He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
