Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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