i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
