those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
