sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
