I seem to have left my pride at pride
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize