I'm really into asian looking animals
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
