Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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