Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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