Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have feelings that need drinking.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
