Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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