No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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