I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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