i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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