It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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