Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
