I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
