I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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