I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
