After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
