She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
