garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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