Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
