I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
