Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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