Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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