you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
