highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
