my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Floor bacon is actually really good
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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