Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
