I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
