So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
