someone owes me an orgasm
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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