Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
