Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
