You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
