Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
