Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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