I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We just shotgunned beers for America
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
