Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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