I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
being pregnant is like rehab
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize